Have you seen my recent Fear Conquering Challenge on Youtube? Every week for 16 weeks I am embracing my biggest fears in the pursuit of becoming a braver, bolder version of myself. I’ve recently quit my job, and some of my biggest fears lined up including getting my first tattoo, flaunting it at a nude beach, and public speaking lined up.
Ever since I came up with the idea to face my biggest fears head on this summer, there’s been one thing I have been absolutely dreading.
The words horror, misery, and panic seem to be better suited when this idea comes to mind.
It’s had the capacity to make my heart rate race while sitting in a quiet setting while listening to meditation music.
It’s thrown me into frantic jolts seconds into closing my eyes at bedtime.
It’s got me making weird breathing noises that caused people at my coworking space to look at me differently.
It’s the thing I seriously thought I’d never be able to do.
Skydiving – Check!
Ziplining – Check!
Gorge Swinging at Victoria Falls – Check!
Jumping on glass floor at the top of a tower – Check!
Cimbing a ginormous Mayan pyramid – Check!
Rollercoaster on top of a tower – Check!
But yet, the very thought of bungee jumping tormented me.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT BUNGEE THAT IS SO TERRIFYING?
Is it the fact that you’re diving head fist?
That your feet are the only thing attached to what’s supposed to keep you alive?
Or is it that YOU have to go against all your natural instincts and JUMP?
Perhaps it’s actually what looks like endless bouncing up and down while all your blood rushes to your head?
But I needed to do it. Not to scare myself but to prove to myself I am capable.
That my fears are not in charge. That I AM.
And that if I want to accomplish something, I 100% can if I put my mind to it.
8 days later … my moment came.
I signed my life away on an electronic waiver and off I climbed to the top of the mountain where this huge white crane was dangling 200ft overtop of this ginormous quarry.
We got closer and closer to the crane.
I looked at my friend who wanted to experience the thrill for herself and said “I think I have to burp”.
“No Tor, that’s just panic. Embrace it” she said.
Originally I asked to be first but because it depended on weight, and being the tiny human I am, I was dead last.
One after one I saw others ahead of me jump.
The whole process was so easy. I thought there’d be more to do it. In fact, I was beginning to think it was too easy.
But I remembered the simplicity of sky-diving and remained as calm as possible.
In no time, my turn was up.
I walked across the crane to the end where the jumping platform was as 3 young guys, probably younger than me prepped the bungee, one who was reweighing me and going through all the safety procedures counting off things I couldn’t keep track off.
I just kept my focus straight at the trees on the land outside the quarry.
Looking down was the last thing on my agenda.
And before I knew I knew it, I was walking to the platform.
I had already spent so much time imagining what this moment would be like. It was the opposite.
I thought this moment would include fear tears, grasping the handle bars for dear life or another embarrassing self talk episode convincing myself to do it.
But it was none of that. For a moment I felt absolute pride. Calmness. Poise and even confidence.
After all the sleepless nights, random moments of panic during the day and pure mental chaos I’d gone through imagining myself doing something as terrifying as bungee jumping and here I was.
And in a second, the feeling of dropping was gone.
I HAD DID IT!
It wasn’t until 10 minutes after the bungee when the excitement sizzled and I caught my breath back that I realized a very valuable lesson.
I didn’t actually have a fear of bungee jumping, as with most fears, I had a fear of the unknown associated with the fear.
I was scared because I didn’t know what to expect. What it would feel like. How I’d handle it? Was it safe? Could I do it?
But when the moment came, everything was fine.
In fact, I’d go as far as saying I enjoyed it. I had fun and it was a good thrill.
Biggest lesson. STOP OVERTHINKING IT.
Stop overthinking everything.
And use that energy towards other things. Other more important things.
It’s a lesson that can applied to all areas of my life.